E t h e r i u m G u a r d

Welcome To Etherium Guard

We are an endgame World of Warcraft guild on the Alliance side of the Proudmoore server. Our primary focus is on building a network of friends who are here to have fun together and to help each other out.

If you are interested in joining us, please post in the applications forum.

Etherium Guard started out nearly three years ago as a small family guild - a refuge from crazy guild politics and drama.

Over time, the guild grew, and we started raiding. We spent a year in ZG, MC, AQ20, and BWL, with a few forays into AQ40 and Naxx. We had great times, and crazy times, but the guild's spirit stayed strong throughout.

Then came Burning Crusade. Many of our old friends left, and many new friends joined us. And we took down Kara, Gruul, and Mags, and made great progress in SSC and The Eye.

And now the time has come for this major chapter of Etherium Guard to end. It didn't come from drama or strife, but simply the passing of time, and with it, interest.

Etherium Guard is no longer a raiding guild.

It's an ending, but it's not the end. EG will still be here, and we still welcome our friends and family. Our guild spirit will remain, though changes must happen.

Thank you to all our members, past and present, who helped us enjoy so many thrilling times. You'll always be welcome here, and we'll always share some amazing memories.

And best of luck to those of you moving on to new homes, and to those of you who've decided that your WoW chapter is at an end, too. We very much hope you'll all keep in touch.

It's been one hell of a ride.

Twas the night before the raid, when all through the guild
Not a character was stirring, not even an Aussie
The loot was all enchanted and gemmed with care,
In hopes that more loot soon would be theirs.

The raiders were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of epic loots danced in their heads.
And Ohgg with his Cheetos and I with my whip,
Had just mashed our brains on some strategy tip.

When out from my speakers there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my alt-tab to see what was the matter.
Away to Shattrah I flew like a flash,
To the center I ran with a mighty crash.

The glow on the armor of the newly 70 heroes
Gave the glow of starlight to objects below.
Whe, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature gnome, on a tiny reindeer.

With a cackle a /train and a wink
I knew in a moment it must be a level 49 twink.
More rapid than gryphon’s his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Kosmo! Now, Scrazle!, now Auto and Halal!
On Stabby, on Muta! On, Baugi and Lucia!
To the top of Aldor! To the top of the wall!
Now cast away, Cast away! Cast away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
They mount on their rides and take to the sky.
So up to Zangar the Minions they flew,
All of them PVP flagged and raid buffed too.

And then, in a inkling I knew what was afoot,
A raid, a full night of SSC to boot.
I asked for a summons and got ready to click,
When on to vent popped Ladon, late like a dick.

He was dressed in his Rocket helm, naked from the waist down.
All his armor was missing not a weapon was found.
A lack of consumables was noticed on his buff stack,
He grinned like a monkey as he led the attack.

Our hearts how they raced! Our fingers fast on the keys!
Ohgg yelled instructions, his voice muffled with cheese!
His little mind raced to tell us all he knew.
The beard on his chins was orange as he chewed.

The rogues stood in a line behind the boss in a ring like a wreath.
Their swords screamed as they tore from their sheath.
The mages hung back and charged up a spell,
They shook when they cast, each sounded the death knell.

He was chubby and plump, a farting old guy,
And I laughed when I saw him, cause I knew he would die.
A roar out his mouth and a twist and a grunt
The Murlocs came streaming towards Mike at the front.

We spoke not a word, but went right to our task,
And shot and stabbed hidden in our masks.
The last few percent ticked down on our screens.
The giant with a roar, died with our screams!

We sprang to his side, and ressed up our dead,
Checking our totals and doing math in our head.
But I heard Lucia exclaim, before I sent in my bid,
“Happy bidding to all, and it’s a minimum 10.”

Happy Holidays from Etherium Guard

Morogrim Fatwalker Bites The Dust

After a long and bitter rivalry, Etherium Guard finally got the better of Morogrim Tidewalker, the fat gassy giant of Serpentshrine Caverns. Fatwalker had stymied them for weeks, but they finally hit upon just the right combination of roles to kill the overweight monster.

"Everything just clicked," said raid leader Sadistic. "Just having the right people in the right places, giving 110%, is what we needed to finish off Morofat."

"I was nervous at first, tanking a giant," admitted bear tank Orymm. "But then I realized it was just a bigger - well, taller - version of Ohgg, and suddenly Lardwalker didn't seem so threatening anymore." The corpulent giant's cellulite-spotted folds of fat constantly slapped Orymm in the face during the fight for significant amounts of damage, but he was luckily never crushed under the full weight of the lard mountain.

There were a number of close moments, such as when watery grave healer Miamore drew the attention of Morobese's murloc friends. "Luckily I was able to hit Fade in time," said Miamore, "and they went back over to where they could see Tideporker's fat mass."

A key part of the fight, according to all the raiders, was not dying. "There's a real trick to not dying on the Bulgewalker fight," said low-health mage Lucia, "and that's not letting your hit points go to zero." Lower-health mage Scrazle agreed, saying, "I agree."

Healers Nahid and Pueo admitted jeopardizing the outcome by not following this advice and letting their hit points go to zero repeatedly, being served up and eaten by murlocs desperately hungry for any rare tidbits of food that escaped Morogrim Fudgeeater's greedy maw. The thundering earthquakes caused by Moropig's obesity-related flatulence also claimed some lives.

Paladin tank Landstander had no doubt of the fight's outcome. "Tide walking is just unnatural," he said, standing on a solid-looking piece of land. "Oreogrim's days were numbered."

The raiders came away pleased overall with the results - some epic items, and two tons of Cheetos. "We will definitely be coming back and killing Hogogrim Flabwalker again," said Sadistic, jokingly referring to the little-known fact that Morogrim was very fat.